(I mailed the following letter to Quaker Oats CEO Harold Brunswick on December 14, 1992)
Dear Mr. Brunswick,
It is with anger, disgust, and bitter indignation that I write to you to describe my recent experience with one of your company’s products, Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries.
I purchased a box of this “berry-licious treat” despite its outrageous price of $3.98 and sampled it this morning. I enjoyed my first bowlful sufficiently that I poured out a second helping. Before dousing it with milk, however, I noticed that one crunch berry did not look like the others.
Unlike the charmingly round, pink, sugar-glazed crunch berries I had become accustomed to, this so-called “berry” was brown with putrefied green flecks. After plucking it from the mixture for closer examination, I smelled the nugget and instinctively gagged. The scent was similar to a decomposing rodent cooked in a pot of excrement. It is a miracle that the previous bowlful of this godawful concoction remained in my stomach.
For this incident, I demand not only my money back but a formal apology to myself, all other Cap’n Crunch customers, and to the American people at large. This experience underscores the appalling lack of quality standards your company now finds acceptable, and as such is an affront not only to our gastronomic systems but to democracy and the American way of life. Shame on you sir!
Sincerely,
John Boutelle
(The response to this letter was a phone call from the CEO’s office asking whether I was all right. The next day, I received a FedEx package with a check for $3.98, five boxes of Crunch Berries and coupons for 10 more free boxes. )
